.......

dEpRessEd...
it keeps running about in my head...
feelin lost coz there's no where or one that i can pour it out...
no one understands... shruggin it off...
sometimes....... sometimes...
all i need is......................................................%#$^&()(^#
couldnt face the mirror.... it overwhelms me...
steppin out of the house is a struggle....
confidence is a ghost....



feelin emotional...
i dun wan to... but i cant control...










am i selfish for holdin on tightly...
for not wantin to let go...
restrictin n limitin...
denying....
maybe....

Entries... =p

children's day!! yipee!! not that it means anythin more than a day off at work for me..
hehehe....

things are hectic at work... sometimes it seems like all i do after work is to drop dead n sleep from all that fatigue...
but i guess although the lil Bugs r irritating they do have their cute side tat makes u wanna burst out laughin at times that somehow cheer u up...

=p

i had a thought the other day and here's how it goes...

A Leader does not get respect like its a godgiven gift..
He has to earn it.. respect is earned through your behavior, ur treatment and
handling of people who are under your supervision...
to treat others with respect and vice versa...
To be fair inspite of personal perjudice and opinions


but sadly the truth is that people ride in the name of leaders and commands you to to listen to them riding on the fact that they are the BOSS...
Pushing you Riding on the fact that they are the BOSS...
Telling you in the face that it doesnt matter what ever your reasons are or should there be a need to listen to your reasons and explanation... coz he is THE BOSS so... whatever he says counts and u juz listen.. and that is nothing that you can do.. juz becoz he is THE BOSS...


Sad huh...
that the reality ...
but maybe meeting these bad leaders will help u to be stronger as you move in your life...
coz we will juz have to be positive in life.. and NEVER let people like these pull u down...

SHE

She..
She who thought, who always felt independent of regimentation and manipulation...
who prides herself on the freedom to decide the path she takes...
got sucked into the swirl of conformity

The suffocation of the opressive environment finally took their toll on she,
She whose iron hard will crumbled and succumbed.. yielding to the norm..

She who began her conformity to the system...

She who lost She...

She who became Them...

She who was no more...

Sheeps

A sheep i am not
Then why do i move to the call of the herder
the beckon of the wild lush green grass sings to me
deep in my soul the instinct to run , the free bounding to the wild
Screams out....
yet...
i move..
to the call of the herder...
Hidden in the midst of Sheeps...
Blind following sheeps that lets the herder does the thinking..
Blindly listening to that Overmind that decides for them...
Deeply convinced that that's all there is to the world and nothing can be better
than the comfort of captivity with no need for individual thoughts or for survival
Profoundly convinced in their limited warp mind that every single being
should be part of their colony...

Listen to the overmind... she who decides n think for us...
*Chant the sheeps

spoozzzzz

been pretty caught up with work i guess to have much time to blog....
kinda miss the school days where bloggin's a thing to do as n when i like.. =p


actually life now is pretty okie...
now that i'm learning to cope with the demands of work..
though my lil kids still drives mi crazy every now n then...

>.<

weekends is definitely somethin i look forward to esp.. lazing ard
n slackin wif the lil lion...
though it's really doin nuthin,, its real nice to not have to do anything
other than eatin watchin tvn reading... nitez out with lil lion's great too
esp a late nitez movie plus dinner...
eatin at the village and heading out to iguana for a drink was awesome...
juz a nice quiet nitez out for the 2 of us.... it was nice with juz the 2 of us...


bought my new T20 sony camera so looking forward
to have more pics up on da blog..
the big day of the 23rd yr of my life's gonna be crashin on me soon.. scary i say..
do i feel ready to shoulder the responsibilities and burdens that comes with the Big 23??
not really... still feel pretty much like how i was in poly.... >.<
but reality 's still reality cant change anythin abt it...
still i wan my cake no matter wat! =p

work work work

work ...
adult life...
sometimes it really seem so unreal to me...
hiaz...
everyday its the same,
wake up , go to school, mark books,
do admin work, assemble,
start of work..
end of sch..

what happen to my life?
i've lost the essence of it... i cant go and play touch as n when i like ..
i dun have the energy to run like i use to...
i am losing everything that i enjoy..
i am losing myself...
guess weekend's the onli time that i look forward to...
but i am always so tired that slacking with lil lion is all i wanna do..
stay home n watch tv do e record...
maybe i am still learning to get use to it.. but that doesnt mean that i like it...
in fact i hate it... absolutely ....
i miss my life...


sports and everything...

>.<

Strange ponders....

Isnt it strange that someone reads so much into my blog but yet it ain't refering to what that person think its all about...
my sincere appologies to whoever it may concern...

My entries are all about my thoughts and feelings of my life Now...

I am happy with what i am and i have now...
although life has its ups and downs but in no way would i want things to change now...
well most of them anyway... hehehehe...
=p

Regret

saw ro's entry ... well dim sum dollies... wat a lucky bitch!! hahaha...
Been wanting to catch that since news of it first came out.....
so so so so wanna watch it... so willingly to give up my david eddings books for that... hey david edding's so important to me that u can see how much i wanna dim sum dollies' lastest...
disappointment's an understatement...

words juz cant do justice..

wat can i say except another disappointment in life and regret over missing such a great show...
well hiaz...
Regrets...
really regretted...
moi bday wish for the year?? something no one can give me... my dim sum dollies' lastest History of singapore....

hiaz...
leave me alone to comtemplate one of the few regrets in my life...

Inspiring...

*sigh* my blog's kinda Obsolete...
Juz haven had the time to pen down any thoughts...'
but i guess the most inspiring emotion that motivates u is sadness..
nothing can wax eloquence like the negative side of a human...
the down side of life that drags you down ironically makes you wanna write about it...

There are things that pull me down but i guess i have been coping okie.. but nothing beats the news today...
it stings like a wasp sting... sending pulses of venom into your blodd stream with every throb of your heart...
slowly inflitrating your body and contaminating every single cell... every single atom...
moving in like a swarm of locusts... devoring every rational thoughts...

But aint human an animal where primitive instinct takes over when pain and hurt are perceived?
what instinct you ask?
Pulling yourself into a protective cocoon...
Minimise damage done and begin healing... aint it?

cowardly you said?
maybe i am...
coz pain juz aint my best fren...

i guess i haven start the cocoon yet...guess the system's still in shock over the sting...
only time can tell... wat effects it'll have on me.. i guess...
i'll see....
Au'revoir...
My alternate ego...

woooooo~~~

ma' classmates!!
Lil lion @ teh hairdresser

Before

After

Updates finally

Life's been kinda boring.. but its nice in a slack kinda way... well there's only so much time i can slack away b4 i start working for the rest of my life..

i guess everything's fine... as long as things dun get buried and allow to fester for too long... trashing things out 's great.. =pwell haven been updating for a long long time..

i've been a cave woman for so long...
>.<

hahaah

well... been wondering wat can i do this hols to spice it up a lil??

welll gonna post some long overdue pics of mi n lil lion in thailand...

=P

Ice Cream!! @ MBK

Sky Train

Sitting at a road side cafe in Khao San road

Some weird ass missionary who thought he could change the world by preaching about his god... yurks.. yup i'm anti religion ya... in the middle of sin city

cruly hair pesonnel

Kinda hate to admit it.. but i'm missing the presence of
a certain curly hair person with dreads hanging down
like some tail...
=p
something major seemed to be missing....
well 3 days more... u go gal!!!!
>.<

fotos~~~

Jess, cheryl and me having dinner at this

posh korean resturant for free coz the boss who's a freakin

rich guy treat us!! yipeeee.....

=p

My Dream Car!!!

Great nitez out at cafe iguana wif lil lion!!

At the airport before we leave for bangkok!!

Disappointment

Ain't it strange how things can affect you...
Sinkin you down into thick cottony gloom...

Disappointment?
more than that i guess...
perphaps...........

*sign*

>,<

hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Lifeless

Lifeless... yup! that's me...
weekends seem so short nowdays... juz a blink n a short nap it's over...
boo hoo hoo... =(
cant seem to remember what i have done since practicum starts...
all i can feel is tiredness and sleepy-ness...
even if i managed to end work earlier i never seem to have
any energy left to do other stuff...
miserable that's my name...
Depressed... plus i'm broke... and i'm getting fat for lack of
energy to do sports
hiaz... think soon i'll be the next one getting my face splashed
across the news for the next MRT suicide headlines...

okie okie i noe that's used tonnes of times already,
how about sentosa tram suicide??

i guess i have never planned so much in my life compared to now...
every single day lesson plan lesson plan lesson plan......... arugh!!!
i so need a permanent break from all these shyte... god save mi... =
standing from of 4o lil monkeys and taming them into some sort
of civility is no easy feat...
plus the fact that my supervisor is a total i repeat, TOTAL BITCH!!!!
arugh.. dun even feel like eleborating..
>.<

yesterday i took out my beautiful mizuno 400m spikes shoes
and headed down to the stadium,
gosh how can i ever tell you how much i missed it?
how it feel so rite to be sprinting, even though i am aching all over now.. =p
how my every cell yearn towards that feeling..
how i feel like i've found my long lost love..
i missed you sprinting, the love of my life ..
it was my everything... used to be...
i never knew how much i belong when i sprint till i step
on the track yesterday...
always i refused to think about regrets in thedecision that i have
made in my life and so far i have not regret on anything that i did...
till yesterday...
i regreted, perphaps i really shouldnt gave up..
and only i noe the real reason why i gave up... the ultimate reason...
if i could turn back time, i guess i am willing to give up everything
to pursue my dream...
to beat chee swee li's record to go to thailand to train ..
to continue sprinting...

but time will never turn back, so make the best out of the present...
i'm happy now too, though i cant be the same dawn who was so fast
when she was on track...
well... watever goes i guess...

updates

has been quite a while since i last blog, blame it on the ever busy schedule
lesson plans...
no matter how sick i feel or how tired i am, class stills goes on
and i'll still be standing rite in front of 40 lil kids,
and gettin them to move their asses or do some thinking...
not to mention the naughty lil monkeys.. =p
well all in a day's work....

well at least the term break's coming along....
woohooo..... =)

well had a nice weekend in thailand the last week,
kinda rush but stillmanaged to do some shopping...

was suppose to be there wif elaine but that silly gal
had a passport with an expiry of less than 6 months,
the tickets can be changed or cancel and the only
solution is to change the name of the holder..
so poor lil lion was shock out of his lil skin
when i suddenly pop the idea of goin to thailand wif me...

that was my first time in the new airport in thailand,
much nicer and bigger i would say but its so far away
from the city and the route of the airport bus also changed..

well. we head down to khao sarn to look for cheap accomodation
wat a long ride and the poor lil lion wasnt feeling too well..

as always khao sarn street is so busy and full of life,
juz love the atmosphere there...
as i always say, i love thailand...

well dun have much time now to write on my trip in thailand,
will do so when i hav the time...
=p

Post CNY

What Are Little Girls Made of?

What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails, And puppy-dogs' tails;
That's what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice, and all that's nice;
That's what little girls are made of.


Aint it cute? i found this lil nursery rhyme
while i was looking for stuff for my lesson plan..
and it totally describe gals well.. hehehe...

CNY's juz over well, its pretty okie,
coz it's juz eating lots of junk food, lotsof sleeping, bitching,
stressful interrogation by relatives and scary talk by dad... >.<
plus lil bit of ang pao money...]
well thats all that is of my CNY...
plus bitsy weesy bitchin of some of the Hao lian Sai relatives,
Unlce alex to be precise who was yaya-ing about his son
who got into This Nus Special program, trying to slang his ang mo,
and having this perpentual sneer on his face
whenever someone else speaks...
irritating.....

well well thats about it.....

hav to go back to mugging da stupid books
arugh!!!! >.<

and tryin to finish up assignments >.<

the hated rain, storms, lighting and thunder

The dawn rainin...
walks ard the neighbourhood...
sleeplessness...
thoughts whirling...
conclusion???
i hate the storms...
the lightin and the thunder...
maybe its blabble...
but i'm missing ...
u noe wat i miss....
and i want the credits redeemed!!!!
i dun care!!!!!!

sounds spoilt?? i dun care!!!

sounds senseless?? i dun care!!

wat i care about??

u should noe...

a-n-a-l

aNaL....

RecTuM if u prefer...

tHe OthEr enD you could put it as...

AnaL would be juz fine....