how can i begin to start sleepin??
it feels so unreal to me.. so surreal..
could it be real?/
be true???
how could it be?
pls be strong...
be very strong..
i always believe that god puts obstacle in front of us so that we'll get over it, learn something n emerge stronger...
pls believe...
hang in there thru it...
u muz
u hav to!
think of ur family if nuthing...
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
b strong
i'll be praying for u...
u'll b alrite...
be strong coz u'll pick up life where u left it..
i noe its hard.. how can i begin to imagine rite?
be strong luv...
u'll b alrite...
be strong coz u'll pick up life where u left it..
i noe its hard.. how can i begin to imagine rite?
be strong luv...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
piecing it together
She picked up the piece of jig-saw.. and stared for the longest time...
Where would that piece fit into?
in the midst of thousands little pieces each with their distinct unbending twist and turns..
How would she find the perfect fit?
Suddenly, She spied this unique piece that carries the possibility of fitting into hers.. creating a first bits of the picture?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Star Glazing
She sat glazing at the stars... as if somehow she could penetrate the infinite Darkness and see the space, distance and the difference in time between the burning balls of gas or what we knows as the starry stars...
Has she err? Her thoughts were like a lone coconut adrift in the immense blue of the sea...
Has the coconut found the beach that it sought after with its soul...
or has it gotten itself intoxicated with the uncertainity and freedom of drifting along where the tide carries...
Has she err? Her thoughts were like a lone coconut adrift in the immense blue of the sea...
Has the coconut found the beach that it sought after with its soul...
or has it gotten itself intoxicated with the uncertainity and freedom of drifting along where the tide carries...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
know what... i feel really tired.. sometimes it really feel as if the ratio of the effort put in seems to tip so steeply.
sometimes it feels like *** is the sun in our solar system... and i am one of the many moons spinning around pluto...
trying to do the best i could, relflecting with my might all the rays that reaches me... doing my best to shine and light up the night...
when i am not even the source of the light ... i'm juz a rock reflecting the light that bounces off me..
thats us isn't it?
i never asked for much... juz need more light from the sun... to warm me up.. making me shine like a star...
too much to ask for????
Friday, May 23, 2008
suddenly as i was looking thru my posts of the past year and a half..
i wonder what will i do if i lose this huge part of my life?
seeing jess breaking apart after her loss.. losing herself in misery ...
will i see myself in that position?
i cant even imagine...
someone told me i am too dependant.. but how am i to get un-dependant?
i wonder what will i do if i lose this huge part of my life?
seeing jess breaking apart after her loss.. losing herself in misery ...
will i see myself in that position?
i cant even imagine...
someone told me i am too dependant.. but how am i to get un-dependant?
fear anybody??
today i feel that my fear is getting closer by a step...
that that i dread most...
i am afraid even to think but the fear keeps invading my thoughts
how can i reassure myself when probably there's never any happily ever after in the real world?
that i so deeply wan to believe that it will work out...
from the moment that i know i fear..
till this moment i still fear...
i know that there's nuthin that u can do..
i know and understand...
but i fear...
sounds retarded i know..
feels like i am spinning in a circle...
my fear is real... and it huants me...
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
i had a dream
i had a dream last nite... that that someone left me for another place...
in that haze, i felt so lost, like i din know how to act or do..
like my soul juz went missing.
perphaps deep inside me i am always afraid that that person will leave me behind..
maybe no matter of what words were said to reassure or comfort, the fear is real and deeply rooted.
somehow that feeling's still haunting me beyond the dream spilling over into the day..
probably thats why i am writing this entry.
i am so afraid of being left behind and forgotten.. having to pull myself and move on wif life...
i know why the fear is in me.. because of the bliss and happiness that i am in...
that i can wake up everyday smiling knowing that i wan nothing more.. that everything is perfect..
but somehow the bliss makes me more afraid...i know that probably ppl ard me will say,that's thinkin too much..
maybe..
but the fact that it could happen in the recent future makes me scare...
i dun know what will i do if i have to face it...
of where will i get the courage to move on with life even though i know time will force me to move on...
mayhaps thats the reason why i am afraid of thinking about the future...
This web weaved by the araignée d'amour has indeed ensnare moi in the silks of steel much deeper that any ever had in la vie du mon
yet i will never choose another even if the path i have to take is the one i never want to be on.
in that haze, i felt so lost, like i din know how to act or do..
like my soul juz went missing.
perphaps deep inside me i am always afraid that that person will leave me behind..
maybe no matter of what words were said to reassure or comfort, the fear is real and deeply rooted.
somehow that feeling's still haunting me beyond the dream spilling over into the day..
probably thats why i am writing this entry.
i am so afraid of being left behind and forgotten.. having to pull myself and move on wif life...
i know why the fear is in me.. because of the bliss and happiness that i am in...
that i can wake up everyday smiling knowing that i wan nothing more.. that everything is perfect..
but somehow the bliss makes me more afraid...i know that probably ppl ard me will say,that's thinkin too much..
maybe..
but the fact that it could happen in the recent future makes me scare...
i dun know what will i do if i have to face it...
of where will i get the courage to move on with life even though i know time will force me to move on...
mayhaps thats the reason why i am afraid of thinking about the future...
This web weaved by the araignée d'amour has indeed ensnare moi in the silks of steel much deeper that any ever had in la vie du mon
yet i will never choose another even if the path i have to take is the one i never want to be on.
Monday, April 28, 2008
fractions and whole numbers
somehow it kepps bugging me...
like those irritating pop up boxes...
is the past so important that you forget that you are living in the present?
that time only moves forward and never backward?
that watever that is put in now cannot not hold a candle to a ghost of the past?
that i am not a whole but a half?
that what we have now does not stand that large in ur view?
that acceptance and love cannot go hand in hand and co-exist in harmony?
that love cannot be applied as a whole but as parts?
that....
like those irritating pop up boxes...
is the past so important that you forget that you are living in the present?
that time only moves forward and never backward?
that watever that is put in now cannot not hold a candle to a ghost of the past?
that i am not a whole but a half?
that what we have now does not stand that large in ur view?
that acceptance and love cannot go hand in hand and co-exist in harmony?
that love cannot be applied as a whole but as parts?
that....
Sunday, April 27, 2008
yaadaa yaadaa blah blah blah
I had always thought that love transcends all...
The supposedly most powerful emotion on earth...
perhaps i might be wrong..
Things might not always turn out the way your ideals dictate...
Probably its way too idealize and romanticized to fit in with the reality.
Blame it on the happily ever after stories that we've been stuffed with since we were a tiny little tod..
Like i always say Life's a bitch...
its never nice and sweet..
bitter and spicy more like it...
The supposedly most powerful emotion on earth...
perhaps i might be wrong..
Things might not always turn out the way your ideals dictate...
Probably its way too idealize and romanticized to fit in with the reality.
Blame it on the happily ever after stories that we've been stuffed with since we were a tiny little tod..
Like i always say Life's a bitch...
its never nice and sweet..
bitter and spicy more like it...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could
write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter
tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy
less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less
time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment,
more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too lit
tle, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter
tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy
less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less
time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment,
more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too lit
tle, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much,
love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life
not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have
trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space
but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but
not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish
less. We'v e learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold
more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and
less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character,
steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but
more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick t rips,
disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when
there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when
technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either
to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to
be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that
little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only
treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of
all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not
be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious
thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that
take our breath away.
love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life
not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have
trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space
but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but
not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish
less. We'v e learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold
more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and
less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character,
steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but
more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick t rips,
disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when
there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when
technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either
to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to
be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that
little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only
treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of
all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not
be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious
thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that
take our breath away.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Jia youu!!!!
Kind of find myself looking forward to this certain day...
looking forward to that familiar sight..
and that familiar presence
i want my hugs!!!!!!
hahah oh my.. i was thinking of writing something subtle..
but guess i juz cant contain the excitement...
I miss u Lil lion!
really look forward to that day..
well 13 more days to go...
DAWN!! jia you!!!!!
perserve!!
looking forward to that familiar sight..
and that familiar presence
i want my hugs!!!!!!
hahah oh my.. i was thinking of writing something subtle..
but guess i juz cant contain the excitement...
I miss u Lil lion!
really look forward to that day..
well 13 more days to go...
DAWN!! jia you!!!!!
perserve!!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Its over!! =)
Sports carnival is finally over!!
all the hardwork is well put in..
thankz to all the great fantastic PE dept people and all the others who helped out whether willingly or Unwillingly.. hehehe
This being my first Sports carnival definitely makes it unforgettable..
How could i forget the Super Enthusiatic primary one boys for running way over the 50m mark and ended up running 300m before anyone manage to stop them. and Guess who was it who stop them even when i was asking ppl thru the walkie talkie to stop the run aways..
Yes! iT was the Boss himself the Principal.. >.<
Gosh!!
It was juz hilarious and worrying at the same time..
Then came the blur kids who wasnt able to differentiate their individaul lanes, cutting into the other lanes and swapping back to their own lanes to pass over the baton..
The 4* 100m relay team who ended up with their 1st runner running 400m and finishing 2nd..
dun ask me why... i have no idea...
and the chaotic dissmissal where the parents were hovering around like vultures and grabbing their children before the teachers dimiss them..
GOSH!! horrid.. and the lil lost lambs and the left overs.. =p
but it was still enjoyable minus the sunburn and fatigue..
hehehe...
The sports carnival was abl to be pulled off was really due to the great effoets of shah, vic, yuanyuan, phillip, chin, hamdan etc...
Well done guys!!!!!!
all the hardwork is well put in..
thankz to all the great fantastic PE dept people and all the others who helped out whether willingly or Unwillingly.. hehehe
This being my first Sports carnival definitely makes it unforgettable..
How could i forget the Super Enthusiatic primary one boys for running way over the 50m mark and ended up running 300m before anyone manage to stop them. and Guess who was it who stop them even when i was asking ppl thru the walkie talkie to stop the run aways..
Yes! iT was the Boss himself the Principal.. >.<
Gosh!!
It was juz hilarious and worrying at the same time..
Then came the blur kids who wasnt able to differentiate their individaul lanes, cutting into the other lanes and swapping back to their own lanes to pass over the baton..
The 4* 100m relay team who ended up with their 1st runner running 400m and finishing 2nd..
dun ask me why... i have no idea...
and the chaotic dissmissal where the parents were hovering around like vultures and grabbing their children before the teachers dimiss them..
GOSH!! horrid.. and the lil lost lambs and the left overs.. =p
but it was still enjoyable minus the sunburn and fatigue..
hehehe...
The sports carnival was abl to be pulled off was really due to the great effoets of shah, vic, yuanyuan, phillip, chin, hamdan etc...
Well done guys!!!!!!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Restless
Mood's been bad..
restless...
The consumer will never know the sweat and toil of the farmer...
The heart he put into nuturin the sapling,
The time he devotes to growing,
The effort he puts into sowing,
The hardwork of plowing,
The joy of harvesting.
No, the consumer never knows,
biting into the commercialized packaged food...
Thats all you know, the product not the process...
you will never know the heart wrench behind it all...
stuck and comsume in your ignorance and selfishness...
Standing in the midst of your presumption...
indulging in the food you self-centred egomanic!!!!
restless...
The consumer will never know the sweat and toil of the farmer...
The heart he put into nuturin the sapling,
The time he devotes to growing,
The effort he puts into sowing,
The hardwork of plowing,
The joy of harvesting.
No, the consumer never knows,
biting into the commercialized packaged food...
Thats all you know, the product not the process...
you will never know the heart wrench behind it all...
stuck and comsume in your ignorance and selfishness...
Standing in the midst of your presumption...
indulging in the food you self-centred egomanic!!!!
Friday, March 21, 2008
why count?
yeah why count?
why make life pass slower?
why make things difficult?
why get flustered?
Why pin after something?
why get so hype up?
why look forward?
When probably there's nuthing you can do about it?
when u'll only know when it comes...
forget it..
why bother?
Philosophying??
probably...
why make life pass slower?
why make things difficult?
why get flustered?
Why pin after something?
why get so hype up?
why look forward?
When probably there's nuthing you can do about it?
when u'll only know when it comes...
forget it..
why bother?
Philosophying??
probably...
Friday, March 14, 2008
Nua-ing
this entire hols all i've been doing is nua-ing and sleeping all day long at home...
its kinda nice to beable to do that coz life have been really hectic.
finally got out of the house for a k box session with the kakis from school..
had a nice singing though i sound awfulbut it was fun hangin out with them..
guess i am lucky to meet ppl who i can click with and look out for me in my work place
juz finish settin my paper stil haven tonnes of work to do.. so all the way!!!
now i'm juz waiting for my time to fast forward till 12 of april...
faster faster hehehe...
hiaz instead ofdoin work i am juz sitting here doin nuthin
>.<
its kinda nice to beable to do that coz life have been really hectic.
finally got out of the house for a k box session with the kakis from school..
had a nice singing though i sound awfulbut it was fun hangin out with them..
guess i am lucky to meet ppl who i can click with and look out for me in my work place
juz finish settin my paper stil haven tonnes of work to do.. so all the way!!!
now i'm juz waiting for my time to fast forward till 12 of april...
faster faster hehehe...
hiaz instead ofdoin work i am juz sitting here doin nuthin
>.<
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Paranoia
i feel sick of waiting, and thoughts running wild...
sick to the point that i juz dun wanna think or worry about it anymore...
if it has to happen there's nothing i can do to sway it...
after all i am far away in this little island... aint it?
after hearing the stories i admit, uneasiness grew...
insecurities leap by bounds
weakening me...
i am afraid...
afraid to lose something that meant so much to me...
i hate to be in this position...
totally....
sick to the point that i juz dun wanna think or worry about it anymore...
if it has to happen there's nothing i can do to sway it...
after all i am far away in this little island... aint it?
after hearing the stories i admit, uneasiness grew...
insecurities leap by bounds
weakening me...
i am afraid...
afraid to lose something that meant so much to me...
i hate to be in this position...
totally....
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Angst!!
sick... sick like a dog....
that's what i am ...
haven felt so sick in my life....
2 days of lyin in bed is horrid enough without thinkin of the chills n shivering and headaches and all the other shit that comes along with it...
i hate the feeling of being ignored... absolutely...
feeling angry with the whole world...
arugh!
that's what i am ...
haven felt so sick in my life....
2 days of lyin in bed is horrid enough without thinkin of the chills n shivering and headaches and all the other shit that comes along with it...
i hate the feeling of being ignored... absolutely...
feeling angry with the whole world...
arugh!
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