Uncertainties

running... once a passion so strong that nothing could deter me from its path...

to feel the speed when you run...
the trill of clocking a good time...

the pressure of performing..............

do i still run becoz of the desire to run???
i love running... but...... has training became a chore instead of an enjoyment?
has the pressure to perform turn it into a a battle everytime?
where has my fighting spirit gone?
why do i not feel motivated to train everyday?
or has the training environment changed?

3 yrs... i am almost always trainin alone... all the time
rain or shine i will be down at the track
gave up my social life, pratically no time to meet up with friends..
i always wonder how is it like to hav a life other than running 24/7
to play other sports for pure enjoyment?
and not competitive all the time?

ranking 5th in singapore now.. wat has it given mi???
more pressure from coach paul to perform??
to feel screwed up everytime i cant clock a good time in the race?
feel ashame to face coach...
i dun noe wat i want anymore...
i used to be so sure but now... there r many other things in life that i want to achieve..
everyone is saying dun give up you r almost there but do they know the toll it has taken on mi??

i know i always seems like an energizer bunny always on the go.. trainin everyday but do they noe the lonliness of trainin alone?
the Sacrifice i made to be where i am today?

i am so afraid that if i let go i'll regret it..
but i juz dun no how to carry on...